Saturday, December 10, 2011

Body Image


Did you read this article?

It is an article about Glamour Magazine featuring a scantily clad "plus size" model.


This is 20 year old Lizzie Miller. Lizzie is a size 10-12 and was told, according to the article linked above, by modeling agencies that she was "too big" for "plus size" modeling.

Apparently, "plus size" models are size 8-10.


Personally, I think Lizzie looks pretty damn good. She looks like she is tall and curvaceous, and yeah, she has a little belly, but nothing to be ashamed of.

She is a beautiful, normal, average, regular WOMAN shaped body.

I was thrilled to see that Glamour received over 700 emails in support of this image and using regular, average size people in their magazine.

I think, just maybe, the tide is starting to turn.

Women are sick and tired of trying to achieve the unachievable airbrushed and photo shopped "perfection" that we are shown in the media every day.

Show me a real woman, with a little curve, a little belly, a little hip and a little comfort in her own body! I will be much more likely to buy whatever you are selling me if I don't feel bad about myself while doing it!

I'm all for being healthy, fit and active, but I gotta tell ya...Lizzie here looks pretty damn fit and healthy to me!

What do you think?

Monday, December 5, 2011

I Don't Believe In Perfect

There are some words that I think should be removed from the language.

They do more harm than good.

They create unrealistic expectations and attitudes toward life.

"Perfect" is one of the words.

Perfect causes so much angst and anxiety!

Many people claim to be perfectionists.

What this often means in reality is that they so fear not doing something "perfectly", without error, or not living up to their own or others impossible standards, that they fail to even begin.

I know a woman who has difficulty committing to write because she wants it to be perfect.

I know a woman who has difficulty committing to eat well because she wants to eat perfectly.

I know a woman who has difficulty committing to doing various projects because she wants them to be perfect.

I am here to tell these women, and you, and me, that there is NO such thing as perfect.

Perfect doesn't exist.

Perfect is something that human beings created in our minds. Some IDEA of what something "should" (another word I don't like) be.

To look perfect we all "should" be 5'9" and weigh 125 lbs, have blonde hair, blue eyes, creamy white skin, big boobs, tiny waist, round hips and butt, long, shapely legs and attractive feet.

To smell perfect we "should" all shower with scented bath soaps and rub our bodies with scented lotions and spritz our bodies with scented fragrance.

To be the perfect mother we "should" do...good Lord...everything for our child and the school and other parents and our husband and our house and our car and the neighborhood and the community...and ... and...

I do not believe in Perfect.

I believe that perfect is nothing more than another way in which women demean and destroy themselves.

I believe that prefect is a way that women hold themselves back and create barriers in their lives.

I do not believe in perfect.

I believe in balance. Giving your best effort. I believe in loving yourself. I believe in creating harmony within all areas of your life. I believe in saying no to protect your self, soul and sanity.

Perfect has no place in my life.

I don't believe in perfect.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Lessons in Forgiveness, Part 2

"Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury."
--E. H. Chapin

Once again synchronicity has occurred in life. When I notice synchronicity happening, I feel it is important to stop and listen to what the universe is trying to tell me.

A couple of weeks ago I had to write a paper for a class called a "Family of Origin" paper. I had to analyze my own family growing up, and how I experienced conflict within that dynamic. I then had to reflect upon how my experiences impacted me and influenced my conflict style as an adult.

In writing the paper I began to realize that even though I had to deal with some pretty horrific stuff as a child, in many ways what I was exposed to ended up being a benefit to me in my adult life. It showed me thing things I did NOT want in my own life. It showed me things I would NOT tolerate in my own life.

The next day I saw the quote I referenced in my last post, from Oprah Winfrey.
"True forgiveness is when you can say: thank you for that experience."

I came to some level of awareness that I was open to the idea of forgiveness.

You see, the first time I was told, several years ago, that I could forgive the person who trespassed against me, I was violently opposed to the idea. The very thought angered me.


Because this person will never apologize.
Or accept responsibility for their actions.
They will never acknowledge the hurt they caused.

So I wrote the paper. I came to some realizations about my past experiences. I was open to the idea. Then I went to class and we spent an entire class period talking about what forgiveness is.
The process of forgiving.
And more importantly:
What Forgiveness Is Not.

The process of forgiveness begins with being ready. A step I have achieved.
Then moving on to deciding to forgive.
Then forgiving.
And in some cases, mine included, the process of deciding and forgiving happens over and over. I decide to forgive and forgive and then I may be reminded of the transgression. I may feel anger, hurt and resentment all over again. In that moment I have to re-affirm my decision to forgive. And then practice that forgiveness. I do not believe that forgiveness is one, single linear act.

Here is what forgiveness is not:
Forgiveness is not condoning.
Forgiveness is not forgetting.
Forgiveness is not reconciliation.
Forgiveness is not excusing.

Forgiveness is a way to move YOURSELF beyond the pain and anger of the act.
Forgiveness is a way to expunge the hurt and poison from your own soul.

Forgiveness requires nothing of the trespasser. They do not need to apologize, explain, acknowledge or accept responsibility.


Because forgiving is not about them. Or what they did.
Forgiveness is about you.
Forgiveness is about repairing your own soul and heart.
Forgiveness is about letting go of something that is not about you and creating room for healing within you.

I do not believe that the trespasser has any part in the equation of forgiveness. They do not need to be informed of forgiveness. There does not need to be reconciliation.

Forgiveness is for you.

Synchonicity brought these successive ideas into my realm. And I listen. I process. And now I share this with you. I think the message is something the universe wants us all to hear.