Lessons in Forgiveness, Part 2

"Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury."

--E. H. Chapin

Once again synchronicity has occurred in life. When I notice synchronicity happening, I feel it is important to stop and listen to what the universe is trying to tell me.

A couple of weeks ago I had to write a paper for a class called a "Family of Origin" paper. I had to analyze my own family growing up, and how I experienced conflict within that dynamic. I then had to reflect upon how my experiences impacted me and influenced my conflict style as an adult.

In writing the paper I began to realize that even though I had to deal with some pretty horrific stuff as a child, in many ways what I was exposed to ended up being a benefit to me in my adult life. It showed me thing things I did NOT want in my own life. It showed me things I would NOT tolerate in my own life.

The next day I saw the quote I referenced in my last post, from Oprah Winfrey.

"True forgiveness is when you can say: thank you for that experience."

I came to some level of awareness that I was open to the idea of forgiveness.

You see, the first time I was told, several years ago, that I could forgive the person who trespassed against me, I was violently opposed to the idea. The very thought angered me.

Because.

Because this person will never apologize.

Or accept responsibility for their actions.

They will never acknowledge the hurt they caused.

So I wrote the paper. I came to some realizations about my past experiences. I was open to the idea. Then I went to class and we spent an entire class period talking about what forgiveness is.

The process of forgiving.

And more importantly:

What Forgiveness Is Not.

The process of forgiveness begins with being ready. A step I have achieved.

Then moving on to deciding to forgive.

Then forgiving.

And in some cases, mine included, the process of deciding and forgiving happens over and over. I decide to forgive and forgive and then I may be reminded of the transgression. I may feel anger, hurt and resentment all over again. In that moment I have to re-affirm my decision to forgive. And then practice that forgiveness. I do not believe that forgiveness is one, single linear act.

Here is what forgiveness is not:

Forgiveness is not condoning.

Forgiveness is not forgetting.

Forgiveness is not reconciliation.

Forgiveness is not excusing.

Forgiveness is a way to move YOURSELF beyond the pain and anger of the act.

Forgiveness is a way to expunge the hurt and poison from your own soul.

Forgiveness requires nothing of the trespasser. They do not need to apologize, explain, acknowledge or accept responsibility.

Because.

Because forgiving is not about them. Or what they did.

Forgiveness is about you.

Forgiveness is about repairing your own soul and heart.

Forgiveness is about letting go of something that is not about you and creating room for healing within you.

I do not believe that the trespasser has any part in the equation of forgiveness. They do not need to be informed of forgiveness. There does not need to be reconciliation.

Forgiveness is for you.

Synchonicity brought these successive ideas into my realm. And I listen. I process. And now I share this with you. I think the message is something the universe wants us all to hear.



Lessons in Forgiveness

"True forgiveness is when you can say: thank you for that experience."

~Oprah Winfrey



The above quote caught my attention this week.

There are areas of our lives, usually long ago in our pasts, but not always, that are wounds in our souls.

We experienced something at the hands of others that caused us hurt.

 That injured us, physically, mentally or emotionally.

And very often it is only with life experience, and the benefit of hindsight that we are able to look back on the hurt and find some measure of benefit.

My childhood had experiences of great harm.

It has taken me many years to work through the pain and emotional scars left behind.

Recently, though, I realized that the experience, horrible and painful at the time and for many years after, has given me some greater insight into certain areas of life.

I'm not saying I couldn't have gained that insight in a less painful or emotionally devastating way, but the experience itself provided me with a benefit that I can now see and verbalize.

I still have no wish to be in contact with the perpetrator of my experience, but I can look at the experience in a different light.

I can see with different eyes.

The forgiveness, the letting go of the anger and hate and resentment, is not for the perpetrator of these acts.

It is for ME.

It is to release the toxic energy from my soul that has lived there for far too long.

It is to brush away the dirt from my heart.

It is to push back the curtain that has been covering my inner light, darkened and obscured by old wounds and hurts.

Forgiveness is not for the other...it is for me, and you.

Do you have a hurt in your life, one that has festered and swelled, blocking out your light and spirit?

Are you able to look for the benefit of the experience?

Did it teach you something about yourself? Your resilience? Your strength? Your power?

Can you find some insight?

I encourage you, peel back the cover on that dark place in your heart, and see if you can look at the hurt with different eyes.

See if you can find a way to say "Thank you for that experience".

See if there is a way to say: that experience helped me to grow as a person.

See if there is room there to forgive.

Not for the other...but for yourself...so you can heal and move forward.

You deserve to forgive and heal and move forward.

You are valuable and worthwhile.

Clear the darkness from your soul.

(source)